Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy: Coming Home to Ourselves
- Britta Van Dun
- May 17
- 9 min read
Updated: May 24
We are a microcosm, or a little world, because we are an extract from all the stars and planets of the whole firmament, from the earth and the elements; and so we are their quintessence - paraphrased Paracelsus
My career in psychology began as a counseling intern at the Center for Educational and Psychological Services at Columbia University’s Teacher’s College. I was blessed with an incredibly wise and compassionate clinical supervisor, a stately Black man who identified as a Feminist and specialized in Family Systems Therapy. My very first client as a counseling intern was a young African American woman who was on a heavy dose of prescribed Lithium for diagnosed Schizophrenia. My first thought was, how in the world could I possibly help? With the guidance and support of my supervisor, I learned the power of presence, simply listening and witnessing from a broader perspective. I gathered information about her immediate and extended family and learned that mental health issues were prevalent along her maternal line. She didn’t know much about her father - he had substance abuse issues and had left them when my client was still very young. Together, we sketched a family history of health issues, big transitions, resilience and traumas. The picture (a geneogram) showed very clear patterns and I was quickly able to look past the looming label of “Schizophrenia” and instead saw a young woman who was trying to make something of her life after complex physical and mental health setbacks.
Below is an example of a Geneogram (not the client's)
Through our work together, I learned that this client (like many people) took on specific roles and characteristics (and a heavy diagnosis) to complete the issues in her family system. I wanted to help her release an intergenerational burden. I wanted to help her discover who she truly was - without the inherited complexes, conditions and projections. I don’t know how successfully my ambitions panned out, but, I invited her mother in for a few sessions and unexpectedly, their relationship began to change for the better. My client was growing and her mother was too.
Working at the CEPS and serving that particular client was a time of deep learning for me - and healing. A few years earlier, my brother had been diagnosed with Bipolar and later Schizophrenia, and, for me, he was and forever will be, simply my wonderful brother Niels. That first intern gig wasn't just my introduction to Family Systems Therapy but an invitation to set aside clinical and diagnostic labels to perceive clients within the context of something greater. I never saw anyone the same again. Everyone, and I mean everyone, originates from the same light, and, we have been and always will be, a part of a matrix of many lines and relationships. As systems theorists suggest, we are all but "systems within systems within systems . . . "
Twenty years after graduating with my first masters in Counseling Psych. I took an unexpected deep dive into the therapeutic model Internal Family Systems (IFS). IFS recognizes the significance of familial roles and relationships similar to Family Systems, only the primary system of focus lies within the individual. IFS posits that the psyche is comprised of distinct “parts” or sub-personalities, each with their own feelings and roles. These different aspects of the personality reflect phases of development that remain incomplete - arrested parts that "take over" when we are triggered in an attempt to gain mastery, resolve a trauma, or it's just learning how to connect and be in the world. IFS aims to help individuals notice when a younger or less equipped part has taken over - I like to ask, who's driving the bus? We learn to identify the basic need that part is hoping to achieve, and helping that part receive what it needs. The healing culminates as we activate the compassionate inner care giver, the core Self, which can then unburden and resource the compromised aspects. In ways, IFS is quite similar to “inner child work,” but in IFS, there’s also an inner teen, an inner critic, as well as other iterations of distinct ages and developmental phases. IFS is also similar to Parts Work therapy, only IFS has its own defined language and steps, while “parts work” is a more general term that describes any therapeutic process working with inner sub-personalities. All IFS is parts work, but not all parts work follows the IFS model.
In my many years of collaborating with clients through their healing journeys, I've discovered that deep transformation takes place when we turn inward to heal and integrate the myriad aspects within ourselves. In Chinese Medicine, we understand that every individual has an entire Universe within - we are, in essence, a vast microcosm within the great Cosmos. Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy offers a potent framework for this exploration, recognizing that we are not a singular self but a constellation of parts, each with their own important stories, roles, and gifts.
What Sets Internal Family Systems Therapy Apart?
Unlike traditional psychological models that might pathologize certain behaviors or emotions, IFS views every part of us—even those that seem disruptive—as having a positive intention. Developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz, IFS explains that our different parts are often operating unconsciously and striving to protect us. At the core of the internal system is the Self—our essence characterized by qualities like kindness, curiosity, wholeness, connection and serenity. Essentially, the primary goal in IFS is to help folks access their caring Self to heal wounded parts and restore balance among the parts.
Who Can Benefit from IFS?
Internal Family Systems is effective in treating a range of issues, including trauma, anxiety, depression, and relationship challenges. It's particularly helpful for those who feel conflicted within themselves or struggle with self-sabotaging behaviors. By fostering a non-judgmental relationship with all parts of the self, individuals can achieve profound healing and personal growth. In a previous blog series, Rewire Your Brain, I wrote about intercepting the inner Saboteurs (Inner Critic) by utilizing Presence Practices and activating your higher self or Sage Brain (Self). Much of the Rewire Series overlaps and can be applied to IFS. My personal experience with Internal Family Systems work deepened when I started adding Presence Practices to intercept the Inner Critic and then weaving Nervous System Regulation in with IFS journal prompts and to activate the Inner Caregiver or Self.
Exploring Our Inner Landscape: Who's Driving the Bus?
The Inner Child
This part embodies our early experiences, holding both the joys and wounds of childhood. When nurtured, the Inner Child brings playfulness, creativity, unbridled joy, and openness. However, if burdened by past traumas, the inner child may respond to current situations or events with fear, grief, insecurity, and/or a deep longing for connection.
The Inner Teen
Often misunderstood, the Inner Teen represents our adolescent years—a time of exploration, experimentation, discovering identity and seeking autonomy. This part may carry feelings of rebellion, shame, anger, or confusion stemming from unmet needs during early developmental years. This is usually when we learn to disassociate, distract, and numb uncomfortable emotions and sensations with substances, processes and behaviors. Identifying and healing the Teen part can be especially helpful when engaging addiction recovery. Acknowledging and supporting the Inner Teen often leads to increased self-confidence, resilience, honesty and authenticity.
The Inner Critic Or Saboteur(s)
This part often emerges as a harsh, judgmental voice, aiming to protect us from failure or rejection. Though the Inner Critic’s intentions are protective, it often hinders our growth by instilling fear and self-doubt. By understanding the fears driving the Inner Critic (or Saboteurs), we can transform the critic into a supportive inner guide - it can become an old habit to notice or an indicator to check-in emotionally, but not a voice to be led astray by.
The Inner Loving Caregiver or Sage (Higher Self)
This nurturing part has an infinite capacity for love, tenderness, understanding, warmth and compassion. This part can sometimes be outsourced to care for others which at the extreme can lead to codependency and burnout. Redirected inwards, the Inner Caregiver is a champion, advocate, best friend, highest wisdom self, cheerleader, you name it - all the most comforting and supportive people you can imagine rolled into one - and accessible in nano-seconds 24-7. Cultivating the Inner Loving Caregiver can require learning to set healthy boundaries with others and may involve a phase of feeling “selfish,” until new neural pathways are laid down and we get more comfortable practicing authentic self-care and advocacy.
IFS in action: how to Reparent Yourself
Let's say I'm running late to an appointment and the car ahead of mine is driving below the speed limit on a single lane road. My grip on the wheel tightens and I start feeling anxious, stressed that I'm "stuck" and won't make it on time. Within nano-seconds, the inner teen has taken over - she's quickly impatient, frustrated, and has a proclivity to speed. This is her road and she has places to go! As a witness, I notice my inner teen has taken over the wheel and redirect my awareness to my higher caregiver (the rad older sister who wears her hair in an asymetrical lob and is magically the most patient, kind and understanding person I've ever met). She reminds me that every vehicle contains precious cargo. Perhaps the slow driver is older and wise, not in a rush, but enjoying the drive carefully and safely. My inner loving caregiver (the core Self that knows we are all connected), helps me relax the foot off the gas and take three deep. I check-in: the teen was feeling stressed because she was afraid of being late. The teen's fear activated the inner-critic who immediately wagged a finger: her tardiness would make other people upset and dislike. With subconscious thoughts like that, it makes sense that I'd feel stressed. So, breathing into the awareness, I assure the part that wants to illegally overtake the slow driver that all will be well. We will get there when we get there. If I arrive late and the person is upset, we can talk about it.
Ways to Connect with Your Inner Child & Inner Teen
1. Write a letter to or from them.Use your non-dominant hand if you like—it helps bypass the inner critic and opens a more emotional, intuitive channel. Ask your inner child or teen what they need, how they feel, or what they wish someone had told them way back when.
2. Revisit a favorite activity from that age.Coloring, dancing wildly to music you loved in middle school, rewatching a favorite childhood movie, roller skating, or lying under the stars—these simple joys can be powerful portals to access buried feelings and reconnect with innocence or rebellion.
3. Visualize a safe space and invite them in.In meditation, create a sanctuary in your imagination. Then gently call in your younger self. What are they wearing? How do they look? Are they scared, playful, guarded? Just observe. Hold space. Let your adult self show up for them with love and curiosity.
How to Catch or Intercept your Inner Critic
1. Notice the tone of your inner voices.The Inner Critic often has a superior, stern, panicked, or sharp tone. When you hear yourself thinking in absolutes ("always," "never," "not good enough"), pause. Ask: Whose voice is this really?
2. Get curious.Instead of fighting the Inner Critic, try: “What are you afraid would happen if you didn’t say this?” Often, the Critic is trying to protect you from shame, rejection, or failure. Thank it for trying to help—and then gently redirect. I often invite my inner critic to lounge by the pool and sip a virgin piña colada.
3. Replace judgment with compassion.This is where your Inner Loving Caregiver or Self (Sage) steps in. When you notice a critical thought, follow it with one kind, truthful sentence. Something like: “Of course you’re feeling overwhelmed. You’re doing the best you can, and that’s enough right now.”
Three Ways to Empower Your Inner Caregiver
1. Treat yourself the way you'd treat someone you love.This could be as simple as making yourself a nourishing meal, speaking kindly to your body, or taking a nap without guilt. Every small act of care tells your system: I matter.
2. Practice boundary-setting as a form of love.True caregiving includes discernment. Strengthening this part means letting it evolve beyond people-pleasing—aim for fierce tenderness and protective wisdom, for your self and others.
3. Create daily rituals and routines of inner resourcing.Whether it’s morning tea in silence, journaling a quick check-in, or putting one hand on your heart and whispering “I’ve got you,” self-love rituals reinforce the presence of the grounded, compassionate adult caregiver inside of you.
IFS is a powerful and effective therapeutic model that invites us to develop a compassionate relationship with all facets of ourselves, release what doesn’t serve and reclaim our lost parts. It's a remarkable process of discovery, healing, and integration—one that demystifies and honors the complexity of our human experience. My current favorite resource for Internal Family Systems is the workbook titled "The Inner Loving Parent Guidebook: The Solution is to Become your own Loving Parent." published by ACA press.
If you'd like to learn more or if you'd like to schedule an intuitive healing session, I’m here for you in-person in Tucson AZ as an intuitive life coach offering acupuncture Chinese Medicine, reiki, and craniosacral therapy, specializing in deep healing and transformation. Virtually, I’m available online via Zoom, FaceTime and phone for intuitive and transformational life coach sessions and distance energy healing.
Xx
Britta
Licensed Acupuncturist, Online Life Coach, Intuitive, Healer, Energy Medicine Practitioner
📞 917-519-2432
If you think someone you know would benefit from these ideas, please forward along!
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